2012 had been pivotal for me. Well, not as much as 2011,
sure. 2011 was when my lolo went back home to be with the Father, it was when I
graduated from college and when I got my greatest career affirmation – my license
as a Chemist. But to me, the 12 months of 2011 sped by way too fast that it
felt unimportant. 2012 had been different.
So allow me this promisingly long post/rant as to my 2012.
January.
Have you ever felt that feeling you get when you stay in an airconditioned room for too long and you step out into the hot summer sun? You know, that feeling of relentless change. You’re body is trying to figure out what to make you feel. That feeling of being too accostumed to something and suddenly you have to rush out of it into something too much of an opposite to it? January of 2012 was just that. I had just come out of grieving from having lost my lolo and suddenly, I had to step up to be everyone’s comfort. I had to be the strong one and I had to be happy. I had to be happy for everyone.
February.
I turned 21. It meant I had to get myself a job.
March.
March felt like a lie. A big lie. The future is gonna be amazing – lie. You are perfectly enough – lie. March was the month we left each other. I loved her, she loved me. But that wasn’t good enough. It’s never ever going to be good enough.
April.
I met Nathan and I fell too deep in love with a boy who only saw me as a brother. But all things work out for the best. I met a man named Saswato. He’s Indian. And with him started the unrelenting dance of make believe – love. I was his Sky and he was my Boo boo. And our hearts grew fonder and fonder for the other.
Oh. I back packed through Negros to Bacolod.
May.
My last back-packing trip! It was through Leyte and Samar. It was different. The scenery was completely different and I loved it.
Nathan passed away. It came as a shock to a lot of people who knew of him. I cried and stopped. Boo-boo was still there.
June.
I started working. And life as I knew it changed. I enrolled myself to law school.
July.
I realized I fell inlove with a guy from work. And it made everyday perfect.
August.
Heart got broken yet again. No more booboo bear.
September.
Met a nurse who said he liked me. And all heart aches came to pass.
October.
Fell in love with the nurse. Quit law school, and changed my perspective as to love. Decided to be more pessimistic and dismissive.
November.
This month was the month of sins. Frankly, I cheated.
Fell out of love with the nurse and fell inlove with a guy online.
December.
Love. I decided to let myself be hurt again, well, potentially, that is. I opened myself up to this boy I crushed on real hard and apparently, I was good enough. Now we found each other and are inlove (or so it seems).
I’ve decided not to be that guy who’ll keep himself from caring for the one he loved. I did that with past relationships and it ended up with me dismissing the person all together.
I’ve decided to love with all I have and nothing less. If I’d get broken, then so be it. It’s better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.
My Year Began with confusion and ended with love. I love
him so much. And I ask forgiveness from the people I loved this year who I hurt.
For me 2012 had been a year with me
having an equal number of wins and losses. But either ways, it’s the year I realized
I had no limits. It’s the year I realized I was infinite.
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(to increase traffic to this post, here are some random pictures of famous people)
